GUIDANCE FOR PARENTING DURING COVID-19
Guidance for Parenting During Covid-19
Your child/children will be learning from your response during this period. Seeing you staying calm, resilient and contained will help them to cope in these circumstances. Below are 5 key points and tips for you to consider.
1. Your own well-being
In an emergency landing of a plane, we are advised to put on our own oxygen mask first before a child’s and just like now, it is important you put on your own mask on first! What sorts of actions do you need to take and what resources do you need to help you during this Covid-19 period? It is likely this will change over time; so what you may need to do now (adjusting your daily routine and transition into this new way of being) will look very different as the Covid-19 Period continues. How will you maintain your own personal relationships through this period e.g. connecting with friends/family? How will you maintain a healthy diet and physical activity? It is natural that you may be experiencing an increased level of anxiety and worry, discussing these with your own personal network is helpful. It is also important to build in lots of self-care activities for you. What sorts of things can you do to look after yourself during the Covid-19 Period - hot baths, listening to music, phone calls with friends?
2. Setting realistic and meaningful expectations
Covid-19 requires a re-shift of plans and expectations. It is important to acknowledge that because there is so much unknown, such as when aspects of society can return to increased face to face socialisation, this makes it much more difficult to plan. The key (and yes, may not be easy!) is to try and adopt flexibility and adaptability in your thinking and set realistic goals. So, during this period and in this moment as you read this - how can you make the most of this period? What are the things you would like to achieve for yourself e.g. such as cook more, do more DIY? For your children, what would your hopes be for them? For example, teaching them to ride a bike, touch type or helping them to be more independent such as how to make a sandwich, cook a meal, write a letter? For your parenting and family time what would be your goal? How can you use Covid-19 to increase quality family time and connection? What are the things you have wanted your family to do more of and how can the Covid-19 Period help you achieve this (despite the possible obstacles along the way)?
3. Develop a structure and routine and be okay if it does not always go to plan!
It is important to develop a daily routine both for you and your children. This will really depend on your set up at home e.g. how many children in the household, whether you are working from home or not and whether you are a two parent household or not. Remember to make the weekends stand different to Monday-Friday. Try and involve your children in the planning and be open to learn and develop it as the Covid-19 Period goes on. Be realistic! Don’t pack too much in and overload the day. If your child is participating in an online curriculum from school, this will be a big change for them in how they learn. Do not feel bad or punish your child if they cannot complete everything or show difficulty in engaging at first. It is natural for you to feel overwhelmed in the teaching/learning experience. This is after all a novel experience for you! Your child’s teachers will understand this and remember over time this will feel and get easier. Some things to consider:
Involve your children in coming up with ideas for activities and plan together.
If your child is receiving an online curriculum use this as a guide to plan your day and support your child as much as possible to engage in the ‘face to face’ times with their class/teacher.
Make time for regular breaks, eating together and fresh air.
Make time for physical activity during the day e.g. outdoor time if you can or if not, doing exercise together.
Plenty of fun exercise videos out there too!
Try to incorporate learning skills through hands-on activities such as maths skills through cooking or planning shopping lists, or writing in a journal daily to practise those handwriting skills!
Incorporate time each day to celebrate the things you have achieved and enjoyed and also what you may want to do the following day. You can do this through an ‘appreciation jar’ or a video/writing journal.
If you are working, experiment with ‘Mum/Dad at work’ labels to help your child know you are working. You can have a sign for your door if you have a separate space where you work in the house. Your children can design and make these for you - as an activity! Use sand timers or your phone to help your child learn how long activities last for or how long Mum/Dad is doing something.
In supporting more than two children at home, keep in mind their developmental ages as well as any additional needs they have. There may be some activities they can do separately but equally think about activities they can do together will help e.g. writing up shopping lists, doing a craft activity together. Decide and agree on access to screens and technology. When and how long will this look like? Our use of screens is going to increase for us all during Covid-19 but think about how and when you use screens. Try to minimise your passive social media viewing (or at least not in front of your children) as this will encourage them to reach out to screens in a similar way. Your child’s school teachers are there also to give advice so connect with them for ideas as well as other parent friends.
4. Help your children to keep connected
Build in times when you child/children can connect with their friends. This is very important, as they will be missing this face-to-face connection. You may also come up with ideas with friends on what you can do together virtually such as doing some exercise together or reading a story together - your children will most likely come up with some excellent ideas! The Covid-19 Period may be an opportunity to make new connections such as with neighbours, supporting the elderly in your community, getting to know your local shopkeepers more. Help your children to engage and connect with all sorts of people, this will most certainly be a good long life skill that will serve them well.
5. Emotional connection with each other
It is important to recognise that Covid-19 is something EXTRA-ordinary and unprecedented. So it is very natural that you and your children will find this period challenging at different times. Holding this in mind when your child is throwing a ‘wobble’ or refusing to do something will be important. See these moments as your child really needing your help and needing your emotional connection rather them being purposefully challenging or difficult. Validate their emotions and experiences. Statements such as “ I know this is hard, I know you don’t feel like doing X now” will help. Physical touch and holding them, depending on your child’s sensitivity and preference to this can help. Try and problem solve together a way forward. Build in time to reflect and learn from the situations you are experiencing together. Your child may need longer or less time to adapt to things than other children. This is all okay. Just like adults, children will have different reactions to the changes that Covid-19 has brought about.
Finally, practising self-compassion and reaching out to others during Covid-19 is important and necessary. You are not alone.
Should you also require further support you can contact me via: info@bernardopsychology.com
Isabella Bernardo, Child and Educational Psychologist